Egypt. Land of vast grandeur, diversity and beauty, with god knows how many UNESCO World Heritage Sites; a place that I was sure would bring out the Indiana Jones in me. It’s also the home of a thousand scams, millions of scam artists and con-men, and smooth-talking tricksters that could rival the best I’d encountered in Mumbai, Pushkar, Agra and Delhi. Some say the last great thing Egypt did was build the pyramids, and the country, very much like the great pyramids themselves, has been in a miserable and ever-worsening state of decay ever since. I was about to find out for myself, armed with a copy of the Yacoubian Building.  First stop – Cairo.

I flew Singapore Airlines – very comfortable – in fact, I slept all the way.  Transferred in Dubai, where I changed most of my Singapore dollars and most of my American dollars into Egyptian pounds, and I also got some Jordanian diners. A good move, as it turned out, as all the tour groups on the flight got their money at the airport in Cairo, forming long queues that I was able to avoid.

Flying into Cairo, I was aware that I was in completely alien territory for me. Sure, I’d been to Africa before – but Eastern Africa. Now, we were flying over endless sand seas, terrain I am more unfamiliar with. A new region to explore. After Egypt, I would be heading to the Middle East. I was coming now into North Africa however, full of fascinating history and culture, predominantly Islamic. I made a mental note not to get a hotel too close to a mosque if I wanted a decent nights kip. There is an old sense of nostalgic romance I associate with Cairo. Michael Palin was here – but more importantly – so was Indiana Jones, fighting Arabian swordsmen in Raiders of the Lost Ark, rescuing the Ark of the Convent on his journey.  Well, that scene was actually filmed in a Tunisian city, masquerading as Cairo.  But it didn’t matter!  Judging by the people on my plane, I wasn’t the only one who felt like this – there were a lot of Indiana Jones hats on the heads of elderly gentleman.

Immigration was quick and painless, and I was very surprised to see a chap with ‘Windsor Hotel’ standing waiting for me as I walked out. He spoke no English, but at least I managed to say hello to him in Arabic ‘salam’ and then ‘shukran’ (thank you). My attempts were warmly received, but then he started babbling away at me in Arabic in the car, and when he realized I couldn’t respond, he put the radio on as we left the airport. It was The Verve’s ‘Lucky Man’, and I felt very much like one. ‘King of my Castle’ followed. We got stuck in mid-morning traffic, so the journey to Downtown Cairo took around 45 minutes through the chaotic scenes of dusty vehicles, dust-choked donkeys, suicidal cyclists and burkha-clad women playing chicken in trying to cross the street. Here I was in this energetic, shambolic metropolitan jungle of mosques, markets and palaces, home of over 20 million people. A bit like being in a sandy Jakarta.

I’d booked 2 nights in the Windsor Hotel, an archaic place, dripping with nostalgia. I was ushered into the foyer and to reception, narrow and with antique furniture strewn around seemingly at random. A photograph of Michael Palin in the hotel bar was on the wall. He’d stayed here during the filming of part of ‘Around the World in 80 days. I felt instantly at ease. If Palin’s stayed here, then it can’t be that bad.  Another less-esteemed guest, but an even funnier one, Karl Pilkington, rated the Windsor as his favourite hotel during his ‘An Idiot Abroad’ TV series.  So I was in magnificent company.  

The receptionist / manager was a busy man. Every few seconds came the trill of a telephone, and he had to put wires into the correct place on a switchboard to answer it, transfer the call etc. I thought it was great. ‘Faded charm’ were words I’d read used to describe this place. It’s certainly got that. The manager, sensing my newness to Egypt, began trying to plan my whole trip around Egypt for me, giving me suggested itineraries, arranging sleeper trains, hotels – basically trying to sell me an organized, sub-standard tour for a rip-off price.  He was only trying to be helpful.  However, organised is not a word I like my trips to be. Useful, certainly, but not for the independent traveller.  I told him I’d consider his offer. I then got in the oldest elevator I’d ever seen, which required the services of a gloved lift attendant, and was taken to my room by the bell-boy. I walked down the musty, dark hall and opened the door of room 29, into a dim room with antique furniture, an antique phone, and an antique shower, It certainly had ‘faded elegance and charm’. I wonder if Palin or Pilkington had stayed in this very room.

Tipped the bell-boy 1EP, to which he sullenly remarked ‘do you know what this is worth in US: 20 cents.’ ‘Sorry, I don’t have any more small change’, I replied. ‘OK, mister, no problem.’ He said, forcing a weak smile. The first of many sulky, money-minded Egyptians I was to meet.  Although I was also to meet some quite exceptional folk here too.  I explored the antiquated room, hung out on the balcony for a bit, then popped down to the Barrel Bar and Lounge, a Cairo institution. This was where Palin had hung out. This place was really old-looking – stags heads over the bar, an old guitar hung up, un-strummed for 50 years at least, I’d bet. Perhaps Palin though had played a few tunes to entertain the BBC crew. The old chap at the bar dressed in a waistcoat with a clipped grey moustache looked like Manuel from Fawlty Towers’ long lost Egyptian uncle. He was friendly enough, and even posed for a photo. I ordered a tea and a Spanish omelette, then began planning my day. I tried in vain to get my internet working, but to no avail. The waiter told me the password was ‘default’, but he really meant ‘choose default’, which my laptop, which had practically ground to a halt anyway, didn’t have, and it softly died. Decided on the Egyptian Museum for this day, which Manuel’s uncle told me was walkable from here. ‘Out hotel right. Left second right. First left. Walk walk walk 20 minutes. Nice day for walking.’ Settled then.